I wonder

And I saw temper flaring
Even in this small little town.
Sometimes I thought would happen in a big cities.

I wonder is it because people are getting more impatient,
because the world is moving faster?
Or is it simply attitude of people.

I wonder, does the hot weather affect people's mood and temper?

I wonder, what kind of stress do you have in a small little town?
Or is it because the stress of bigger town has such a big impact on people here?
Or simply because the developing stress, and people simply can't accept what they're having now?

Went to bank just now,
And there is one middle-aged auntie scolding the teenager in front of her for taking her time too long for the Cash Deposit Machine. And the teenager scolded back saying that she's in the rush too.
And the weather is incredibly hot today.

I wonder.. do they feel better after the argument for such a petty matter?

Weird dream. Weird

So I had these 2 very similar dream the last 2 days.

The first 1 was I just died with a few of my friend.
Then I met God. (which i presumely is God because it was all spooky in the dream @@)

The "God" said something like
"I will give you a second chance, go back to the place again and change what must be change"

I did, well at least in the dream I did.

And yesterday I had the dream about chances again.
A dreamt when I was with a trip with my friend to Muar.

I was in the exact situation.

And I wished I didn't drank beer that night, and gave myself more confidence.

I did worked it out in the dream
And the worse part of it?


It is still a dream.


Fucked up dream.

The feeling of wanting to leave whenever there's a problem.
Always have this confidence issues.
Sigh
Fuck.
Wanting to improve,
The plan, the plan the plan!
Fuck!

What the fish,
Since when blogger change so much @@

Just 1 post before I head for my bed, at 5.40AM.
Going back hometown this weekend,
running away from reality for few days then come back..
Run run run,
Always been running.
Come on,
stop and have a break.
Stop and start being serious
Stop and improve yourself
Bring out your big book of your so called PLAN and GOAL before you came to MMU.

Open and have a look,
LOOK CLOSELY!

Finally over

Finally the last event of the sem is over.
Learnt a lot,
Knew that there are still lots to learn.
Lots of thing that I'm new to, unknown to.

Most importantly,
I saw lots, and TONS of my unfinished plan throughout the event.

Where is those plan now?
2 years man, 2 years in MMU.
I wasted 1 and half year getting into depression.
And half year getting my way up again.

Yeah, the time you wasted learning is not wasted.
But the time I took, is way much too long.

And I have lost the passion of all my plan.
I'm not blaming anyone. I can only laid it down my personality.

Should I just start over again?
Or continue where I left?

=(

I'm glad you all were here the last time..

Supporting me when I'm stressed, and when others were doubting me.

and you said

"Learn to be strong, we will not be here when the same thing happen"




I will.. I will...

Thank you, for all the scolding. It made me grow, somehow

Rant rant rant!

Since all my housemate left me alone in the home.
Suddenly feel damn lonely.

Anyway,
After this week things will be different.
I don't want to see another same thing happen again.
But current situation made me feel so,
Though things has changed, at least I have changed.
I still have no confidence to handle all these.

At least, you're the one who made me have to courage and intention to change myself.
But too bad, you never see this.
Perhaps I'm not the one you looking for. You're leaving next sem.. I can no longer see any chances, nor any hope. When there's no chance, there's no hope? =(

But they said,
The time you wasted learning is not considered wasted.

And there goes my 1 year, learning that some shit will holds you back but it's what you learn in the process thats matter.. I guess.

But I still haven't recover fully..
I still haven't.

Fuck uncertainty, fuck confidence.

Fuck stress. Stress will makes you stronger.
But I can never handle stress alone. I'm not looking for a person who can fight for the best for me. I'm looking for a person who can share the burden.

Fuck this shit.